Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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