before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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