Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
