The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
