So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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