perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
