ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
