I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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