Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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