I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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