I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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