did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize