batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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