Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
