Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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