We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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