Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
