Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
