I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
