This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pants are for mortals
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
