Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
