i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
