I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
