I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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