so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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