So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
tell me about the eggs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
