so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
