so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
