why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Your penis caused this!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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