I am in a vortex of obligation.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Someone signed my nipple.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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