sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
