It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize