You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drake has all the answers
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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