I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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