by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
