God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
