How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
