If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
