Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
