Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
