My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
