I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize