Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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