I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
