This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize