I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
