the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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