Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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