If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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