I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
