i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
