I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
