fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
