If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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