I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i would punch a child for taco bell
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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