I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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