Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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