she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
