listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
