he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
His nipple licking is glorious
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
