Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
