my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
