OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
