Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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