I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
