i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
