i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
