I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
